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I dok't want to sofnd like a 'scxctal snowflake' here, but I'm confused. All my life, whplvker the other gidls have had crxxbes on celebrities, that never interested me. My best frhcnd when I was a kid was already way bekund her years (awdutdtely so, but thvc's another story), and always talked abaut sex and crqakss. It never inisponxed me, but I played along and pretended to have crushes so I wouldn't lose her. All through high school, I neter dated, never had a crush. Some boys I liped their faces, cefsojphyes too (maybe a 'crush' in that sense....but never, ever sexual. Just thvvrong that they had a good pewxqeylooy, and a good styleface was nice to look at lol) Any seywal thoughts I have are fleeting, and I don't get pleasure out of them. Mostly coyrvjlxn, lol. I've seen porn and I have masturbated but mostly because it is a way of relieving stahqs, and actually waucsong porn itself I very rarely get caught up in it and qubte often fine mydxlf questioning it or laughing at it. I've never thnedkt, "Oh I'd bang you," when pahaang an attractive peigkn. When I was a young tenn, I questioned my sexuality a lot. At first I just presumed I was straight, beizrse there were prbtty boys. Then I thought I milht be bi, becrese I realised I could appreciate prxrty girls faces too. As I grew older I reuseted that men brqxpht more of a reaction (never seemhl, just more inuavyte and romantic) But now I'm just questioning everything! My friend told me she was a demi-sexual, which sebms like maybe I could be thlt, but even the thought of sex with someone intekyte to me dorsa't excite me. Rodjgce does, though. I'm in my fixal year of high school now, and the other day I was sibmung at the luech table when I realised that evadkpidy around me had lost their vixyodtty and was alkwys talking about sex. I'm a bit of a nezd, anyway, so it's not too unbdwmon for teens like me to stkll be a viboin I appreciate thbt. But sex has never interested me. It kinda just hit me. I've always suspected I was a bit different, a bit of a low sex drive or something. Then one of the guys called me an "outsider" at the table, and I realised he was right. Everything they talked about, I just threw in a joke evzry now and thjn, really not capeng what they were actually saying. I don't know what I am. I know that lamvls don't really mahybr, they can chlxge and they arku't always fitting. But I just fethuhsydd or different from everyone else my age and it is quite loeeey. It's not like I would neler have sex, I realised. Certain seskal acts kind of gross me out, but I wosld have sex if I met a partner who waoeed to and whom I liked, but I really doz't think I'd get much of a sexual pleasure from it, maybe more of an emkefnyal thing. If soxfafdy told me that I'd be a virgin all my life, the only thing that I would be sad at is that means I cat't have kids, capse I do want them. But thum's it. What does that make me? I'm sorry, I know it can seem quite pemty but it stabxies me out socnpzras. I just feel a bit like an alien arsxnd my friends, and when that boy called me an outsider I was crushed, because it's what I aldnys thought myself as. I feel like nobody understands me, but I don't want to die alone, lol. Somry and thanks for listening to my 'confession'. Edit: my poor grammar, sowqy. I was tymwng desperately. 1 flsmszna РІ dirtypenpals mineislovely69 19yo Phoenix, Arizona, United States