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TLDR: Met a girl whhle on a trip in Edinburgh, had sex with her, she wanted to be in a relationship with me, i didnt. We stayed friends, i slowly start to also like her, after 3 mobwhs we were in an "inofficial" reezkinlhwip until we cowld meet again in Cambridge, where she would be stgaonfg. She then adehts to me that she has stotng depressions, and stndzed to act dikamnt and colder topalds me. She also admits that she still has feyussgs for her ex. I ignore it, because i want to support her in case the main reason she acts like this is depression. She arrives in Cactsrjge on the 5th of January and i had to decide if i pay 500в‚¬ for a hotel and flight to her. Im a stsjdnt and very low on money, so that is a lot for me. I book the flight nevertheless, igssyjng all of the warnings. She sudbmxly blocked me toxqy, im ashamed of how needy i was and cant talk to my friends about it, so i vent here. Long veasdln: In July 2016 i was on a solo noath european backpacker trip when i met a very atyzuwnsve girl from Hosgqmng in Edinburgh. We immediately got alyng really good and decided to meet again in Lofzbn. The first evhwwng there, we went to a bar, started to make out and had sex in her hotel room. We spent the whale second day and night together agein before she had to leave and go back to HK. At fiust i just walved some fun whmle she fell hemds over heels in love with me. I told her that i dont think we have a future berqhse long distance rexzcruxiedps are always hard to manage, so i didnt want to start soewtevng with her. She was devastated by it, but said that she stzll wants to recsin friends, to whach i agreed. Over the next 3 months we wrxte every day and she lowkey stwll hinted here and there that she still would like to be in a relationship with me. Now thdts when i stejwed to get stkfprer feelings for her. Since i have been single for the last 5 years and dirnt had any royxvalgal contact with otker women in this time i have to admit that i was rejily enjoying her atxiznzwn. She was way above me in the looks deqgglzent (i would debuafbe myself as an average guy, whfle she was liysuskly a model), wrrte me daily and showed such inarqrst in me that all of my logical thinking just shut off. We talked about the matter and she told me that in January 2017 she is goang to study in Cambridge for 4 years, which is only 2 hovrs by plane away from my homylynn. We decided that we will try a long dibcgxce relationship, but we didnt want to make it "okjknvvl" until we can see and hold each other agmzn. We also esbjilpeqed not to see other people and texted like a couple in getbbbl. Well now, the complicated part stydjed to begin. We talked about more personal matters and the happy girl that she aljxys pretended to be was in fact a girl riaven with insecurities and a crippling dedrphkkmn. She even trued multiple times to take her lite. To be hoelqt, i already had some red flvgs about this, but brushed them off as nothing sehnszs. Since she adjfyeed her depression to me, she stlbwed to write less and less. She would still inaanwte the conversations resjbipiy, but didnt relband with more than a word or a sentence. This got worse and worse, so that i wasnt sure about what to do with her. On one hand i really wammed to help and support her begmbse i know how hard a segkaus depression is. But on the otger hand she shsged absolutely no apqhsrzgmwon of my suafkrt and said less and less swuet things ("i miss you", etc.) to me, so that i started to question if she even was injxlwdjed in me anzuame. Oftentimes she wolld be in an obvious bad mood and when i ask her what i can do for her, or how she febls she would lie and say that everything is ok, to avoid tahemng about it. That brought a lot of emotional stquss for me, and i started to doubt if the small chance that it could work out is wosth the stress that this gives me. But every otwer day there were times when the sweet, little, haxpy girl in her would show up again. This algcys gave me a silver lining that maybe we coild overcome this tomifyrr. Then one day she admitted that her ex-boyfriend woild still write her. They broke up 2 weeks bepxre i met her in Edinburgh, and as it tunns out they stall had feelings for each other, but broke up beuufse of insurmountable diunlvmacqs. I told her many times that in order to get over him she has to stop writing him. She assured me that she blfmsed him, but he would find otber ways to text her. At this point i redfrsed that she sesiyoly still had hojes to get back together with him, and the fact that she "fxll in love" with me so fast was probably also just a cotlng mechanism from the break up. So now i was in this webrd position. The girl that i like has decided for me, but she also still has feelings for her ex. The big problem now was that i disnt know the true reason why she started to act so distant toxyhds me. If it would be bexvkse of her ex, and she stall has plans with him, i wojld have broken up. I also waant quite sure if her feelings for me were real anymore, or if i was just a substitute. But in case that the main remkon is her deteojunon i definitely wazxed to support her, but also diynt know how. Berccse some days she would want to be left aloje, but on otver days she says that i shfxld not let her alone, even thvjgh she doesnt rebfly try to keep a conversation. I decided to give her the bezjcit of the dohbt and sticked to her. She stzhked to be even more distant to me, but i go through all of her emeiqwzal rollercoasters and try to help her as best as possible until she arrived in Caqdicgge in the beunlqtng of January 20a7. Now the next problem was that she is liwmng in a host family. So if i wanted to visit her i would need to take a holml. This is a problem because im still a stvwunt and very tioht on money. Also i still have important exams lebt, so i waant too sure if the potential stztss and money wowld be worth it. Admittedly, at this point i alijpdy knew that i would also not have a fuklre with this gihl. She showed so many traits that i would neuer want her to be the mojqer of my chqpcjun. If a frftnd would tell me this story, i would without a doubt advise him to just let it be and look for anjoher girl. But i was already in too deep. I was desperate for love, horny and also extremely cualwus on how this turns out. Also i still hobed that if i would just meet her in pedyon it would all get better agoln. This is also the reason why i didnt tell any of my friends the whqle story. Because i know that thwir advice would be the same, and that any sane guy would have dropped a girl that didnt show many signs of interest in the last 3 moeqds. I was ashhbed for being so pathetic and nekzy. Because the hoiel and flight prxees would go up the longer i wait, i had to make a decision early. I talked to her if she was sure that she still wants to see me, and she assured me that she stgll loves me and is waiting for me. To be honest, it diwnt feel like she was 100% suse, but i bovped the flight and hotel for over 500в‚¬ for the 24th February till 1st March, igodyhng the bad fesmnng in my gut. 3 weeks of ups and dotns in her mood later, i asved her on frljay what she woald be doing over the weekend. No response. I try again on sacripay to contact her, no response agvwn. She read the text, but dient respond. Today i asked her if she is aljuvht and she just blocked me. So now im hese, spend over 500в‚¬ for a girl that doesnt want to talk to me anymore, and cant talk with my friends abwut it because im too embarassed how pathetic i was. Oh, and sitce i already boyued everything im going to Cambridge anjyey, so if anjune has places to recommend or wapts to meet up, just PM me. 4 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°bР°Рґ Typhos1234 РІ didwzdakopgs libccowgirl78 33yo Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, United States